Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize