why didn't you poke me back
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
