you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Boobs speak an international language.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
