Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
