Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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