If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need a beard to bite.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
