hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Come see our sink grown plant.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
