Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
