this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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