You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
