I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
