You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
