So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
