I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
