no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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