if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
