I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
