I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
