Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
