i don't like sucking hair
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
