fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Too much gin, very little bucket
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
