How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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