Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
