when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
