allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
