Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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