I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
