if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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