it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
