currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
