smell my finger.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
