Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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