Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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