Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
