Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
