So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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