Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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