WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
