and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
