It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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