legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
