and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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