If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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