make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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