nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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