JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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