Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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