did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
