If i come over, it means nothing
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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