Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
