a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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