if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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