Nicole vs. Life
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize