I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
