The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
