He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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