chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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