is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
