You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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