I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
