Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Panties = found
Randomize
