This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
