The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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