I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
