69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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