There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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