Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
