I can tuck mytits in my pants
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
