I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
