So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize