I got chris browned last night
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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