god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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