Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize