naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
