Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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