We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
