After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
