I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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